Really? Why??

There isn’t much that can get to me more than a liar. I cannot stand it when people lie. And it is even worse when you know about it.

My conscience has always been a thorn in my side. Always. To the point that I am robbed of sleep sometimes. I hate knowing something that I shouldn’t, whether it’s about me or someone else.

Let me digress….

When I was little I stole buttons. A whole pocket full. My mother used to sew a lot. She made most of my dresses when I was little. I was in a catholic school with uniforms. Our outfits had to be red white and blue. Skirts and sweaters and dresses for the girls.

So mom and I went often to JK Fabrics. And I had a button fetish. Well, they had bins of them in the aisles I would look through while mom was buying fabric. So this particular day I decided I was going to fill my pockets. Couldn’t have been more than 6.

We finished up and left. We stopped at Georgia-Pacific to get boxes for my moms Miles Kimball products. I sat in the car while she got them and started to cry. Emptied all those buttons into the seat of the little Hornet mom had (and they never came out!). We went to the candy store, my mother completely confused of my issue. I wouldn’t even let her buy me candy…..I was nothing but a thief and it was eating at me!!

When I was about 12 I begged and begged until I got a Sega. Once I got it I felt horrible and didn’t want to play it; I knew I didn’t need it, and probably wouldn’t play it as much as I should for what my parents paid for it at the time.

My conscience attacks happen still, when I spend too much or just do something I know I shouldn’t, even if it’s nothing major.

Back to topic; lying.

I have been thrown into a stupid situation. It’s not a big deal, but it is bothering me so much. I cannot begin to express the anxiety I feel, and if I talk, people will be angry and relationships will be hurt. All because people are not grown enough to admit they can’t communicate with their spouse. Or anyone else. Or maybe the situation was sprung on her and she didn’t want to tell people…..

At any rate, no matter the reason. Not cool. Even less cool to TELL ME!!! Why in the hell would you tell me what you’re really doing when I know you lied to my mother?!?! Seriously, it’s not even something that would have hurt anyone to be oblivious to. Why you gotta tell me? Now I gotta sit here and feel bad because I know something that if my mother knew she would straight up flip; but I feel like I shouldn’t say a word, because her not knowing seems to be the less hurtful solution.

Damn you, liar.


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