The Letter I’ll (Probably) Never Send

I’ve never really felt so dumb as I do at this moment. But I am so distracted by memories (especially after inadvertently donning your shirt this morning) that I had to write it. I will most likely never send it directly, I have a terrible relationship with my fear of rejection, but hey….at least this seems a productive idea for beating these dang daydreams….

Dearest So-and-So,

When I first saw you, I felt something beyond words. I cannot always articulate it. It seems like a crush, but not lustful. Just a deep sense of…something. It was like a fantasy world. But it isn’t. It happened. I was there, so were you.

How you look at me, the way you hold me when it’s time to say good-bye. I still hear the moan in your chest, where my head rested. I remember that first time, when I left you standing there as I bounced across the street and into the park, tingling from head to toe. I hoped you felt it, too. Regardless, at that moment I knew you were going to affect my life. Even if just slightly.

There is something about you that won’t allow me to walk away from the memories. I’m not sure what. Maybe it’s the joy you represent for me. The excitement of passion and yearning. You are like my Aurora….I sit and wait for it. Dreaming of its wonder and the greatness of it all until it shines down upon me once again. And I am OK with that. So ok… 

Whatever it is/was/is not, I am so thankful that I got the opportunity to know you. To have had a little bit of you as my own. When I talked to you, laughed with you ans we sang a bit of Bob, I felt more alive than I have since I don’t remember when. You brought back to me the reality of life. How much there is to be embraced, seen, heard, done. I felt like you understood me, and wanted to know me. That you cared about who I was and the crazy life I lead.

So I guess I just want to say thanks. The memories keep me going, keep me smiling and fuel my dreams.

*Ah* Feel better now…


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