I’m so fortunate to have the relationship I have with my Boo. I look at the relationships other friends of hers do or do not have with their moms. I see how they’re devious and disrespectful at times on their Facebooks. Or how there are no boundaries, mom and daughter being “equal”. Boo and I, we have boundaries; she doesn’t really cross them. She know’s the line “I brought you into this world…”, not taking it at face value, but understanding the meaning. We shop and giggle and talk about boys and art and music. Friends and mean girls and our classes. It’s an incredibly solid relationship. But there are those moments…..
I had my first experience with broked hearted teeny boppers today. And it got a little gnarly. I am used to things getting ugly before they get worse. They’re teenagers. And girls, none the less.
My Boo has had a rough last 2 weeks. Pushing limits and being a snot. I suspected that it had something to do with her recent break-up with her little buddy who shall remain nameless. 🙂 He was a nice kid. Came over, wasn’t afraid to have supper and watch some TV or play a game with us all. They had been hanging out for almost 6 months. And really liked each other. As long as there was nothing suspicious and grades weren’t falling, I was cool with it. But he got jealous of the attention she got from the boys in her grade. And she got snarky about it, so he dumped her. She came home and told me, but said it was ok, now she wouldn’t get picked on for dating a kid who’s a grade younger.
I had been asking her ever since, not often, but enough, if all’s ok. She has seemed off. Didn’t get anything. Her attitude would lighten up for a while and all would be normal. Then tonight she was late. For the 3rd time in the last week. I chewed her out and she screamed for me to shut up. Then immediately choked on her words, started crying and ran upstairs. I gave her a few and followed. Knocked and went in. All curled up and sobbing “mama I’m sorry” was my Boo. I dried her eyes and told her enough was enough. Her and I have a better relationship than that. I asked her why after such a great, responsible run, was she going backwards. She looked at me and said “Yeah I didn’t get in trouble for 5 months and then little buddy broke up with me!!” and threw herself to her pillows.
OhMyGoodness. Remembering what it was like to be 13 and knowing what iit’s like to get your heart broke, I almost cried along with her. But I dried her eyes instead. I asked her why she didn’t talk about it. She told me she wanted to, but then she just wanted to forget it. We sat for an hour talking about her feelings, how she could have approached it differently, and laughed about stuff. I got her mind off of things, telling her that there’s finally a tentative ETA on our SUP board (STOKED!!), and a couple stories from my weekend, as she was with her friends most of it. She was smiling, all was a little better. And although she didn’t go about it all the right way, now I know. I know what’s hurting. She told me. 🙂 That’s huge, for a 13-year-old. I’m one lucky mama.
It’s rough, parenting through this shit. Lemme tell you. Sometimes you look at these situations and think WTF do you know about love and such anyways? Buck up, he’s just a dumb boy. But don’t say it! If you don’t make them feel stupid about it, and you acknowledge the fact that they have feelings, they will open up to you, and things will get better instead of worse (though it’s never a guarantee that their attitudes won’t be in the toilet for a while). And remember that if you talk to them about all sorts of things, and talk often, they’re more likely to talk to you!