At a Crossroads

The best advice I have ever heard was to remove people from your life who do not have a positive impact. Of course, that’s within reason, I cannot just dump the children, though they’re not always positive.

But when it comes to relationships, it makes things….strange.

And life seems really strange right now.

Really strange.

The last month has been absolutely amazing in many respects; I met a wonderful guy. I saw/hung out with my bestie from Texas. We got to spend some awesome time with my dad. I still love my job. And that’s all fantastic.

What’s not fantastic is the fact that I have really grown apart from a very old friend. And that sucks.

It started a while back, when I saw her attitude start spiraling down the toilet. With her fiance, her kid, and life in general. I really tried to be there. I listened and gave gentle advice. I tried to sweep it under the rug. But when it was like EVERY time I talked to her there was drama, I just felt it dragging on me. She is my friend. Her sorrows and hardships and hurts affect me, as well.

I wanted so badly to help. But I felt like she didn’t want it. Like there was always an excuse why she couldn’t better herself, or why she needed to live the way she did. Parents. Kid. Man. But it was never her fault. And that’s a huge pet peeve of mine anyways.

So anyhow, we have grown apart. I have talked to her once in the last week and a half. I haven’t seen her hardly at all in the last month. And I think what hurts the most is that my emotional well-being has improved. I’m not tense with customers, or the kids. I’m not anxious. I’m not stressed. Yes, I miss the company, but I do not miss feeling angry and frustrated. I don’t miss brooding over her drama and feeling bad for her.

Putting these things down kind of makes me feel like a bad friend. But on the flip, it makes me feel a little more free. I will always love her, and care about what happens to her. I hope she knows that. And I miss her…the her that used to laugh with me and tell jokes and talk about boys and kids and life.

I hope all is well, ALN.

xo

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