This is the scariest part of dating with kids. I’m sure it wouldn’t be too bad if the other parent(s) are mature and/or have moved on.
I’m not that lucky.
Both of my ex’s are d-bags. Immature, selfish, irresponsible, and jealous. And they LOVE to make my life hell.
I constantly struggle with whether or not to tell Tim about the verbal/text altercations between the two of them and myself. On one hand, I don’t want to piss him off, or make it seem like I am trying to get him to hate them. But on the other, I want to be honest. And I want him to know what to expect. Unfortunately, these guys being jerks is not uncommon.
Responding is really hard. I don’t want to come off as a bitch, but I don’t want to just let it fly, either. That’ll only make them more prone to the shitty behavior. Confrontation is not my favorite thing ever, so it gets rougher still. But here’s what I’ve been doing.
- Call ’em out.
Immediately. I will straight up text or call them and say “Listen here, Buddy”. It really throws them off and they come up with all kinds of lame excuses. And really lessens the frequency of idiocrities.
- Don’t Drop to Their Level!
This can be hard. I want to just say F you you F’N F!!! but I don’t. I keep it clean and use better manners than normal. I plan on saving the BS 🙂 You never know when you’ll need proof to a higher power that you’re a better person.
- Speak Your Peace and Shut Up.
This is hard, but don’t let them bait you into arguing with you. They will try. Just tell them your position, thoughts, etc, and leave it alone. Let them text and make an ass of themselves (see last statement above).
As far as telling Tim? I ended up going with honesty being the best policy. I cannot lie to him. I like him too much. But I also try not to dwell on or make a big deal out of EVERYTHING. Just the stuff that’s really shitty or disrespectful.
And what does that consist of? Here’s my reasoning of what I will or will not tell:
- Does it hurt?
If it hurts my feelings it should be said. Otherwise when we talk at night he will notice in my voice. If it’s going to change my demeanor it should be talked about.
- Is it disrespectful?
If it’s a blatant swipe at me, him, or the kids I will let him know. He should be aware that there’s someone being a dick about him or to his woman and her family. He’s kind of…big on that stuff.
- Is it public?
One of the two has a rotten habit of being rude right there on Facebook. In those situations I will also tell him. I don’t need to get the pissed off phone call about why I didn’t say something about xyz.
- Will it affect our relationship?
This is a big one. I mean really, there is so much I could say. So many things to tell. But what’s necessary and what’s trivial. Make that determination. Too much is just too much.
I’m sure there are some other sub-conscious things that go on in the .5 I take to decide, but these are the one that are really out there.
How do you handle baby daddy drama when you’re dating??