Yesterday was alright.
I mean, it was good; family was together, no fighting, great food, yada yada. But on the same token it sucked. In a way only a mother can understand. Which makes me feel a little lonely, to be truthful.
As some of y’all are aware, my Sissy girl (15) doesn’t live at home. She’s got some attitude adjustments that need to be made, and some behavioral stuff to work on. Her heart is good, but she cannot let herself follow that. Her “Gotta be in control” takes over her good senses every time.
Well, a couple weeks back, her and I were talking about respect. I told her that since she was finally able to control her temper, a great feat that I was very proud of, it was time for her to really start working on respecting people.
She asked who and I told her; Bub, Boo, Me, and Tim. The child went all exorcist on me. Exploded like a volcano. She was ranting incoherently about how I shouldn’t have a boyfriend, the couple I’ve had since Dad were just mean, and then hung up.
My first thought? Jesus Sis. Why do you have to be so difficult?
Well, then she emails me and tells me that she doesn’t want to come home. There were many pieces to it, but the main part was that she doesn’t want to move. I’ve talked to the kids, of course, about what will happen if my BF and I stay together, and that would be a move for us. He lives in a metropolitan area with many more opportunities for a designer/techy such as myself. There would be some huge steps towards a stable future with this move, if it were to happen. The other kids aren’t really worried about it. They are confident in who they are and their ability to make friends and be happy. Sis, on the other hand, does NOT have that confidence.
S’anyways, I replied. I told her that under no conditions would I let her bully me into abandoning my goals for a better life and for happiness. Then I told her that if she didn’t want to come home, fine. She didn’t have to.
Well let me tell you. That went over like a turd in a punch bowl. I got a “F*&# you b$#&h, I don’t want to be a part of your f*&#ing family”.
Uhm…well, I recovered from the broken heart after quite a few days. And then she called.
“I’m sorry for being rude. Can I come home for Thanksgiving?” I wanted to cry. I knew that if I allowed her to sweep everything away with a half-hearted apology, she would continue to hold that control. Letting her come home after all that she said would just make me look like the pushover she thinks I am.
So I had to tell her “Sweetie, I am really going to miss you. But I think it’s about time that you get what you ask for. You said you don’t want to come home or be part of the family, so you’re not coming”.
I think that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to say. It broke my heart. But I don’t know what else to do. Maybe if she realizes that all talking shit is going to do is get her exactly what she asks for, she’ll stop.
I hope I wasn’t too harsh. But my heart can’t take it anymore.