Maybe I’m just supposed to be alone.

Do you ever feel like you’re just not cut out for something? Be it a job, a city, maybe a class you’re taking, I think all of us have been there.

Me? I feel like I’m not cut out for a relationship. My god I can’t believe I just said that.

And I must say up front that its totally not about him. He’s a phenomenal man.

But I feel like I’m just a psycho crazy insecure unworthy suspicious freak. Yup. Really.

I get all freaked out. Like he’s one of the other douche-bags that have fucked me over (I’ve only NOT been cheated on once). I wonder about the Facebook. I wonder about the distance. I wonder about his closed nature. I fear that the kids are too much. That I’m just not what he wants. I worry that he’s getting some on the side. Yeah. Stuff like that.

I really thought that after 2 years of being single and learning to be secure with myself I’d be alright. That I’d be ready to try again. But I kinda feel like I’m failing.

Fucked up. That’s what it is.

Thanks for listening.
xo

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2 comments

  1. acoffeejunky · November 27, 2012

    You need to loosen up or you’ll end up driving him away. You can’t control every situation in your life…all you can control is your reaction to a situation. Stop analyzing everything..what’s that saying ‘whatever will be will be.’

    • Amomand4kids · November 27, 2012

      I am trying really hard to see it that way. I’m mostly confident about it, but then I have these moments where I just wanna say to hell with it.

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