There’s a friend of mine I talk to intermittently. She’s a sweet lady. Does well by her kids, her hubby. Kind, funny, honest. We’re going to call her K.
You know how it goes with your girlfriends? If anyone would listen to your conversations they’d think you were crazy, or worse. There’s not much of a filter, and you can tell this person just about anything. Well, this conversation I was the sounding board….here’s the gist of it.
Hubs has been doing nothing. NOTHING. Both parties work, but he uses his “man job/early riser” card as a reason why he shouldn’t have to. Complains about work, kids, etc. Secludes self, wrapped up in the celly and the vids, and doesn’t really have any relationship with anyone in the family. Even K. He picks apart everything and everyone while refusing to look at the person he has become (mean, bitter, rude, uncaring, and unloving). And everything is a hassle.
She hurts. Feels like she should be doing something differently; like it’s her fault he’s so miserable all of the time. She doesn’t want to leave, but she doesn’t really want to stay either. Not because she doesn’t love him, but because she feels utterly alone in his presence. She wants him to love her, but nothing seems to give. He will even tell her he’s unhappy, but can’t say why.
Now, I LOVE to help people. It was my #1 Strength for my personality profile. I’m a fixer. But this one, this one it tough. I have been here. I have felt this. And from my experience, if the other isn’t willing to change, nothing is going to change. No matter how much you love them, help them, make their lives something most people would KILL for.
This begs 2 questions from my amazing readers:
Have you ever encountered this and successfully helped the person out of their “I’m just an asshole” funk??
And What is with these people??????
I mean, not to be rude, I know “these people” isn’t the nicest of labels, but really! Is it selfishness that causes them to never be happy? Is it that false idea that they don’t have enough and if only they had more? Oh man, I could go on and on about this…I dated a guy who had the whole “nothing makes me happy unless it’s in my interest/what I want” complex. The best I could figure was said person was totally lacking in self efficacy. 😦
Here’s the really hard part, though. If these individuals were willing to change, I could give so many ideas! You really learn to be selfless, and see enjoyment in the simplest of things, when you’re a parent. And I think that’s why K is so frustrated. If hubs could get his big selfish head out of his it’s-all-about-me ass, he would see that he’s got it great, people love him, and that he’d never be happy with the boat/motorcycle/car/house he wants if he can’t be happy with the wonderful he’s got.
What do you think? Any hope??