I never knew what I would do, should I find out that someone I care about is not going to be with me for very long. My reaction surprised me.
I’m going to call him jw. He has become very dear to me over the last few weeks. I have spent a lot of time being consumed by his warmth, brightened by his notes, listening to his voice, talking his ear off. I hope he becomes the topic of some great blog posts. People, I like this guy. And if he wants to keep me, I may only get a few good years with him :(.
I knew this getting into it, and there was something about him that made me totally not care. See, it was my birthday weekend. He was a perfect gentleman and picked my staggering ass up from the side of the road and took me home. We spent hours, literally, like, 2-3 hours sitting in his truck in my driveway talking. He told me then. Didn’t care. A few days later he said he wasn’t sure why I wanted to do this (start a relationship) because of it. Still didn’t care.
Now, while the tears are flowing as I write this, that’s not my normal state. Sure, I have my moments. There are some songs that send me right over the edge. But I don’t want to be sad. I will be eternally thankful that the Lord picked me to care about him for a while. We are going to take what’s given to us and make some memories. Fuck all that my life is over so I’m going to dwell on it shit. It’s not over yet, dammit. Here’s what we’re going to do.
I love pictures. And I am going to take all kinds of them. Working in the yard? Click. Out at a bar? Click. Festivals? Concerts? Ballgames? Click. Click. Click. If I have to bury him, the whole world will know he was happy while he was mine.
In the end, I want to know that I will see him again. We both have relationships with God. They may look different, but they’re there. And will continue to be.
- Do Stuff
I refuse to look back on this and think that we should have or wish that we would have. Whenever we can, we will go, see, do. There isn’t any time for tired/busy/don’t feel like it.
- Be Silly
Laughing at inside joke silly. Dancing in the kitchen to Glen Miller silly. Tickle fights with the kids and dressing up for Halloween silly.
- Be Patient
This one is all me. I have to be patient to his needs. How he gets closure. His trips and conversations are his. And he’ll come back to me.
That’s how I’m going to deal with this.
I know what you’re thinking. What about love??? right? Here’s the thing. I don’t know if we will get there. I can’t say if I will fall in love with him or him with me. At least not in that…well, that way. Everything in this list shows love, though, be it romantic love or the love of friendship. And I can tell you I’m not going to just be OK sitting around saying “I love you”. Fuck that. I’m going to show him