When you hear that, it really spins everything on end. There’s something about those 5 letters that cause you to evaluate EVERYTHING you have in your life. Even when you haven’t received a diagnosis, you realize there is an if. And not just a “I haven’t always taken care of myself so something could happen”, but an “Oh shit. There’s something there that could be not so very good”.
I’ve been praying a lot. And doing my best to listen to his answers. I keep telling myself that whatever happens is his will, and reminding myself to trust him. It’s not easy, but it’s better than being a basket case.
It also makes you think. It makes you ponder everything you have ever done or planned to do with your life. Sure, there’s a list of things that if it’s ugly, I WILL complete, but all and all I have realized that there’s not a lot that I would do differently in my life, and that’s got me stoked. See, I have some great friends that I spend time with. I have fun with my kids. We do great stuff together, even if it’s just cooking and yard work with the music up and the smiles on. Plus I get to enjoy good beer and patrone and live music.
Finally, I am thankful every damn day. For all I know this could be killing me. But you know what? I’m alive today. I can blog and work and cook and laugh. And that is good.