I like to think that online dating doesn’t have the negative stigma attached to it as it used to. I find it to be a great alternative to traditional dating, with the available pool sitting right there in front of you. You can read what these prospective partners claim to be their truth, look through their interest, which are generally accurate, and start “picking” people you’d be interested in dating.
Great concept! I mean really, it takes out a lot of the awkwardness, right? Let’s you focus your efforts on guys who you’re actually interested in. So nice…
If that was the reality. But it’s not, at least not what I have experienced. Here are the truths I have discovered about online dating.
The pool is much bigger
And that’s frustrating. I have had some awesome conversations with some terrific men…who live no less than 200 miles away. We talk often and it’s easy and fun. But nothing will come of it. They’re tied to their location as I am mine. And when it’s like that, you almost have to discontinue the conversation. It’s not fair to either one of you to dedicate your time to something that cannot take root.
Being “Too Picky” is a good thing
When I first started playing this game (I hate using that vocab,but that’s really what it is. A sick little dating game :0) I was happy to talk to anyone who was close. Atheists, smokers, short guys. It hit me in a hurry, though, that these guys and I would not be able to make a real go of it, as I want someone to practice my faith with me, I am a quitter, and I just can’t get all into a guy who’s shorter than me without my heels on. Also, being picky/having a scoring system helps you weed out the guys of the next truth…
Boys are way more bold online
I couldn’t even tell you how many times I have been asked about casual sex. I’m not sure if it’s just me (I’ve been told I look like I’d be “freaky”) or if it’s the fact that these guys (and probably women, to be fair) can just chill behind the screen trolling until they catch something. But when you’ve expressly stated that’s not what you’re after, I don’t know why they find it necessary to send email. After email. No, sir. I’m not into BDSM.
Ghosting happens. A lot.
If you’re not familiar with this term, the urban dictionary defines it as such: “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone…” Not that this doesn’t happen in real life, but it’s oh so much more prominent online. Like, you think you’re clicking, you’ve talked about meeting up and then poof. 4 days later and your “Hi! Are you still available this weekend for a coffee?” question is still hanging. And it’s frustrating.
More than anything, I think this is the biggest truth. Admittedly, I thought it would be a lot easier. I am now just over a month in and I haven’t even had a coffee date yet, let alone dinner. I think it’s because we forget. It’s not just me against all these boys, but there are thousands of women out there looking for love, too.
These truths make online dating not all that much better than traditional dating. I know that you’ve got to be patient. You’re only going to find the right guy when you’re ready, whether he comes to you online or in the produce department.
What do you think? Do you/have you dated online? What was your experience?