Have you ever heard it say that you hold different emotions in your body? Joy, pain, memories? I believe that to be true…
It has been just over a month since I had my adventure with Mr. Snoop and a month since we chose to not talk anymore. About two weeks later, I started letting go. About two weeks ago I felt like I had. And it’s been okay. Until today.
When I was in lizard, trying like hell to let all of the current shitty events in my life go, the whole experience with the aforementioned love came flooding back to me. I was remembering things I didn’t know I remembered. Things we saw. Details about our conversation. Hearing his voice that I had all but forgotten the sound of. His eyes. The last hug in the room, where he pulled me against his chest. And there I was, all over again, tears streaming during yoga.
No one tells you this. No one tells you that you will feel feelings that you had buried a long time ago (or a month-ish, as it were). We talk about letting things come up and then letting them go, but sometimes it doesn’t work like that. Sometimes they keep coming. The memories. The feelings. They come up and just keep coming. And it felt kind of good to feel them again.
Maybe that’s the “let it go” part. That you feel them. I mean, really feel them. Acknowledge those feelings. Let it hurt. Let the pain flood from your damn hips right through to your sweet heart, out your eyeballs and BOOM. It’s out.
For good? Maybe. But sometimes I hope not. I don’t really want to forget. Not all of it.