It took me a long ass time to realize that life could be good. My first taste of “love” was ugly. Abusive and controlling, I never felt safe or loved in return. I spent every ounce of myself trying to make him happy. From there on, I thought that’s what I needed to do; everything in my power to make my s/o happy.
I had spent so much time looking for the good in all the wrong places. I wasn’t familiar with the concept that a relationship should be easy. Safe. Comforting. Supportive. Or that a good relationship is more than being happy. It’s challenging each other and learning new stuff and discovering and teaching. I’ve also found that you don’t have to move in or say I love you in the first month or so for it to be good.
It’s not always going to be good. There will be disagreements, no matter how awesome ya’ll are with each other. How you handle a disagreement is what sets your relationship apart from the ones that fail. You can’t expect to make it through if you’re sarcastic and mean and snarky. If you don’t take responsibility for your part in the problem. And if all you do is blame the other person. Even when you fight there has to be an element of care and respect or you might as well set it down and walk away.
Ups and downs happen, but when it’s good it is undeniably good. When you have all the elements of a solid relationship you can do about anything. What are these elements, you ask? Well, from my one experience (current guy) with a solid relationship, this is what we have.
Mutual respect. Sure, we have differences of opinion on some things, but we do not get ugly with each other about it.
Attraction. Just…yeah. You need to want one another.
Shared interest. Not everything, but enough to keep the conversation going.
Communication. When you can’t use your words is when everything falls apart.
Common ground. Although we took very different paths growing up and finding our way, we have a lot of commonalities.
Trust. If you can’t trust each other you won’t make it off the ground. Period.
What would you add to this?