What It’s Really Like

Image result for dating in your 30s is like riding a bike

Just. Like. That.
Then, in my case, it’s like “Oh, hey. Let’s add 4 small humans to that hell. They will chase you on your firey bike.”
There is so damn much that goes into dating with kids. When they were really little I thought “It will be easier when they’re older”. And it is. In some respects. But there are things that are constant. Things you don’t want to say out loud, yet you must to give them an idea of what your life is like. But there are things that must be said to your potential significant other. If I were to write a letter, even today, here’s how it would go:
Dearest JFTP,
The success or failure of this endeavor, as the children are concerns, rests upon your head.
You cannot be a selfish ass when you’re dating someone who has children. You can’t get so wrapped up in the small things that happen that you lose sight of the big picture. These small humans are learingin how to be people. They’re goign to say stupid shit and be obnoxious. There are going to be crisis situations and drama. But if you’ve got the presence of mind to look at it for what it actually is. The shit that happens isn’t about you most of the time, even if it feels like it in the moment. Get over yourself. Because yeah…
It can be chaotic. Running here, last minute shopping, making birthday treats at 10pm.
And there will be adventures. Getting everyone out of the house and going to the mall, the park, or the zoo. Taking a last minute road trip to the beach. Finding something to do so you’re not climbing the walls.
There’s a lot of love. You’re opening yourself to more than one person. And chances are if you’re not a dick, they’re going to embrace and love you. A lot.
You can still have alone time! You’re not always going to get your date night perfect. There may be an event you have to miss. But with communication you can make things work out okay. If you’re willing to be OK with a little extra effort.
Suck it up. The kids are going to be around. And they are happy to have you around. So it’s got to be asked: Are you going to spend the next 8 years only staying at the house when all of the kids are gone? Do you really think that’s sustainable?
In the end, your attitude and outlook are going to be the ultimate factors that determines whether your relationship flourishes or fails. Are you conditional or unconditional when it comes to love??
Are you a single parent in the dating world? What would you say?

One comment

  1. I could of wrote this myself! Single parent, split with their father almost 10 years ago, not had a committed relationship since. The ones I have had, I realised the guy was a dick after a couple of weeks, gave him a couple of more weeks to prove himself but then he was on his way! Yet I don’t understand how I know of mothers to end their marriage and 3 months later they’re in a ‘meaningful’ relationship! How?!

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