Every Friday I get some awesome nuggets from Tim Ferris in my inbox: 5 Bullet Friday. Not everything always applies, but most of the time there is something cool that either
a) intrigues me
2) inspires me
III) resonates deeply
This particular email was the “Quote I’m pondering” that struck me. These usually are a big win for me. Not only do I love quotes, but no one puts an uninspiring quote for folks to ponder. Am I right? Yeah. I’m right.
This morning it was this:
“All of our miseries are nothing but attachment.”
Wow. Tim, your timing could not be better.
My thoughts? I’m glad you asked.
I think we view attachment as a positive thing and detachment as negative. That when we are attached to something we must care about it deeply to allow ourselves to be so attached, and when we’re detached from something that we do not care at all. That we’re cold and unfeeling.
FALSE! False I say to you.
Let me expand…
Attachment makes people do stupid shit. It makes you chase someone when they leave. It makes the loneliness lonelier and the darkness darker. It is when you’re so incredibly attached to a boyfriend, an object, a place, that when that thing is removed from your life you’re unsure how to proceed. It’s a really crappy place to be (trust me, I’m there currently) and not something you want to experience. For a lover like me who only wants someone to make happy who never leave me, I don’t really know how to not be attached to someone I love.
Detachment, I believe, is the being whole all by yourself thing. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about people, or that you’re incapable of being in a meaningful relationship (that, I think, is unattachment). It simply means that you are not going to let the actions or inaction of others, their coming, going, or anything else, disrupt your well being. You can still love them and be happy that their there, but not hinging your happiness on their presence allows you to bounce back much quicker.
There’s another piece to this that runs parallel: EXPECTATIONS. I think I might have a tougher time with this one than I do attachment. But that’s for another post, I think. All I’ll say here is keep your expectations as low as your squats. Or mine, if you’re not a lifter, and you might be okay.
What do you think about attachment? Are you the type of person to become attached to someone you’re with or do you keep yourself detached? Let me know!