So I know that I have written quite a bit lately about getting over him. DSNBP. JFTP. That damn guy. I want to be ready to move forward. And in some respects, I believe I am. But in other ways? Psh. I don’t even know what I want in life. I don’t know who I am or what I am supposed to be doing. I am 2 years from forty, single as a dollar bill, and feeling like a feather on the wind.
And I think it’s because I don’t have any fucking idea what my purpose is anymore. There was a time that my thinking was if I was a loving, caring woman who kept a good home and cooked amazing food and had a rockin’ bod is what I needed to be, aside from having a sparkling fucking personality, witty sense of humor, dedication to the gym, and sharp mind. I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to be someones everything. And it’s not just in the romantic relationship arena. As a parent, there’s a huge transition, too. I’m no longer need much to be the taxi, the cook, and the keeper of the cheese-it’s. The kids don’t need me much anymore. I see the three older ones once or twice a week if I’m lucky. My lil’ man is only home every other week, and we’re so busy we only really see each other Tuesdays and Fridays. Aside from that? I work. And work some more. And that’s it.
So there’s this…
Hm. I need to choose my next identity. I need to choose my new purpose. This life, it’s in my own hands. And I guess that means I can do whatever I want with it, now doesn’t it? Hm. That puts it in a whole new perspective. 🙂