Are relationships just a series of compromises? A dance of giving this and taking that? Of conceding on one thing to get another? Taking the good and fighting through the bad? Of being the best of yourself for someone else.
Yes. I think that’s a lot of it. And how it should be. When you enter into a relationship with someone else, you’re no longer just thinking of yourself. Ideally, you both are building each other and wanting to make the other person happy by doing things for and with that person.
But when does compromise become a detriment to who you are? Where do you define that line between actual compromise and giving too much? That, my friends, is the question of the day (or of the moment on a late-ish night after some good wine).
I feel like it’s pretty fair to say I am a champ at compromising (myself) for the person I am with. Allowing them to be half-committed while I was constantly thinking of things I could do to make things amazing. Though I’m sure it was always a nagging reality in the back of my head, it really struck me as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep, mulling on why he didn’t care enough to try. It was then that it hit me: it’s time to stop this madness.
So how do you know when it’s no longer a two-sided compromise? I suppose it’s a learning period for all of us. Maybe like grief, maybe just like the process of getting into a fitness routine or starting a diet; you see, you deny, you go through stages. Here’s a broad overview of what I see in my life…
- You’re losing sleep over it
- It’s a no-win situation
- It’s detrimental to your happiness
- You’re losing yourself in the process
If this is where your relationship is taking you, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a one-sided “thing” where you are the only party trying. The other half is dead weight. And these aforementioned things are proof that it’s stealing your soul. Steal it back. Get back to you. Compromise the little things. Like the movie you’re going to see or what you guys are going to have for dinner. Not your identity and your soul.