Have you ever heard of visualization? Where you visualize yourself doing something great or accomplishing a goal or feeling a certain way to help change your behavior and thought process? It’s pretty cool, and the science behind it is very encouraging. I really think this is going to help me change the quality of my life.
I did have to laugh, though. As Mel was talking about how it all works, she mentioned that your brain cannot differentiate between an actual memory and a made up visualization. So when you visualize things, you’re creating a new reality in your head. Telling it you are capable of something that you may have never even done before, but in pretending, you are building skills and confidence and thoughts that will help you achieve whatever it is you’re visualizing.
Fake it til you make it.
My first goal for the year of 2019 is to learn how to be happy by myself a.k.a. sans JFTP. Since choosing to implement the initiative, I’ve spent 30 seconds every morning while I am stretching my spine in cat-cow picturing myself having fun without him. Mostly is just picturing myself not crying while I’m alone. And not letting myself miss him. Or being drawn into the dramatics of wanting answers to why the asshole left. Yet sometimes it’s just walking the mall with a smile on my face. Sometimes it’s being at a music venue with a beer in my hand. Other times it is just coming home from work, making myself a meal, sitting on my couch with my cat, and watching Sex and the City 🙂
After three days of practicing visualization, I can honestly say that I feel much more free. My anxiety about being alone, about not knowing what to do with myself, it is all but gone. I still see 10+ things a day I want to send him, but I don’t. I’m becoming okay without him. I really am fine having one beer at Lions Tail and heading home on Friday night rather than thinking I should be at this bar so I don’t have to be alone.
Fake it till you make it.
For me, the thing that makes this the most powerful is that I am focusing on myself, not on him. I’ve spent the last month and a half telling myself that “if he wanted to be with me he would be with me” or “he doesn’t love you, so quit loving him” and, of course, “let him go. If he wants to be with you he will come back”. Did it help? Nope. Make it worse? Most likely. I felt awful and unlovable.
This time the accountability is all me. I can choose to dwell and simmer and weep or choose to believe it will get awesome. I choose awesome.
Fake it till you make it.