Song of the Week

 

Andrew W.K. Hotttttt. Thank you, DSNBP, for the introduction. I am loving it ❤

If you’re not familiar with this guy, you should be. Andrew is not only a fun, heavy, sometimes raunchy rocker, but a motivational speaker. And in his new album, You’re Not Alone, he really reaches all of the best of himself. It’s an amazing listen that sometimes sounds like David Bowie, and Meatloaf, and The Ramones, with a TED talk added for punch.

This one hits home for me. I hope you enjoy the listen.

xo

c

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Song of the Week

I feel like it’s been a while.

Sorry about that. Inspiration hasn’t struck me lately.

DSNBP and I were discussing this the other day. We listen to a lot of music. We share a lot of music with each other (he shares more with me if I’m being honest). But nothing has really smacked me in the ear or the heart lately. I just don’t know.

So I decided to look deeper…Life has been beating on me a quite a bit lately. Rough patches with the kids, the not-so-welcome news (that’s coming. I just can’t bring myself to say it out loud yet), slammed at work, and on it goes.

I was really struggling with everything. I started binge eating some, I was drinking a little more than I should. I wasn’t happy with even the things that make me happy. And then I remembered where to go. Not to the kitchen to eat. Not to the bar to drink. Not even to my healthy outlet, the gym. But take it to the cross. Remember who I belong to and that he’s got me.

To me, that’s church. It’s my CCM playlist. It’s bible study. And it is good.

Here’s one of my favorite reminders. Enjoy ❤

xo

c

That Awkward Stage

The weight loss-fitness-clean-eating-release-your-inner-badass journey is full of strange things, let me tell you what.

For instance, who’d have thought that one could eat fresh, clean ingredient pizza but not popcorn? Or drink beer but not milk? The body is a weird machine, for sure.

Lately, this weird amazing machine has decided to retain all kinds of water in protest of the uptick in weight I’m lifting. So not only am I bulking but I’m looking pudgy as well. And that just about pisses me off. But I know it’s just another one of those stupid awkward stages. Every 3 or so months I have one. Get all bulky and my body looks weird before I lean out again. Just part of the process I suppose.

But what I wanted to tell y’all is that if you go through that, there is hope! Or at least some things you can do to not lose hope during your awkward stage.

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  • Drink lots of water
  • Eat lots of low carb veggies
  • Put down the salt shaker
  • Find a positive thought
  • Don’t stop lifting
  • Yoga
  • Walk it off
  • Keep on your meal plan
  • Be patient

Not hard-fast rules, and they don’t all work all the time. But hopefully, you’ll find something that will keep you sane through your awkward stage! This too shall pass and you’ll be lean as fuck in no time 🙂

Do you have suggestions? Please throw them in the comments.

xo

c

Song of the Week

Isn’t it weird how someone you meet can totally change the way you look at things?

Before I met my DSNBP I didn’t pay any attention to the bass line. Of course, you hear it, but you don’t really notice it, let alone realize if it was impressive, if you know what I’m saying.

I was a self-proclaimed hater of the Red Hot Chili Peppers for YEARS. Lots of years, to be honest. Then I watched him play. It didn’t matter what he played, this was my love, standing in front of me, making music. It made me smile. It always makes me smile.

Anywho, here’s some RHCP for your listening pleasure 🙂

xo
c

Taking Yourself Back

I have spent a lot of time hating myself for binging. So I decided to start researching what I could do. Calling my EAP counselors, listening to Podcasts/Health Coaches, and over analyzing my situation. I discovered a few things.

  1. I am in control of the binge
  2. I need to get rid of hang-ups
  3. Have self-regard
  4. Recognize that the binge may be the most positive negative you could do

I want to break these down for you..

Being in control of the binge. It’s not about will-power. At least not for me. Will-power fails. It’s a thought process. If I can breathe through the urge to binge, realize that I am not going to die if I don’t eat all the peanut butter in the house, and walk away, that urge will go away. The more I can do this, the easier it will get. Another aspect of being in control of the urge is to not restrict my diet. If I want the damn cupcake I’m going to eat it. If I don’t, I won’t. Period. Not because I can’t, but because I will choose to/not to.

Get rid of hang-ups. I am SO hung up on the number on the scale. True fugging story. And as a lifter with a paleo lifestyle, it’s the last thing I need to think about. But beyond the silliness of being hung-up on something that defines only our vanity, obsessing about it can add fuel to the fire that drives the urges. When I am obsessed, I restrict. When I restrict, my body freaks out. When it freaks out, I eat. Simple as that. So I think it may be time to quit logging my meals and weighing myself 2-3 times a week and just start enjoying life.

Have self-regard. Piggy-backing on the last paragraph, you have to be okay with yourself where you are. There was a great quote from one of the podcasts, I’ll be damned if I can remember which one 😦 but it was great:

I am a lover of what is because it hurts to argue with reality.

Not to say that you need to love everything about yourself, but damn. You are you, whatever that is at this moment, and You are worthy of love. From yourself most of all. So go with it. Even if that just means not shaming and belittling yourself for your habits.

The most positive negative. It’s most common that you’re binging to soothe negative emotions, to cope with stress, or to get through something tough. Think of what else you could be doing. Binge drinking. Cutting. Abusing pills or other narcotics. Attempting suicide. But you’re just eating. Be proud of yourself for that. And hand in there.

xo

c

The Faith Angle

This may not be your truth. And that’s okay. But for those of you who read and believe, this may be the single most powerful revelation I’ve had during this uphill battle with my eating disorder: God is bigger than my problems. He does indeed bring hope to the hopeless and peace to the despairing. He really is there, listening and working on and for us.

How do I know?

Last night was Good Friday. If you’ve never been to a Good Friday service, it’s very moving. The church is simply lit. Bare. Solemn. Very little music, if any at all. The Passion is read. The prayers are cantered. And the priest hauls in a huge cross on his shoulder. You remove your shoes and pray at its base. The adoration.

All the while, you realize/remember that Jesus died for you. He gave his life so that I could live. He didn’t complain about it or whine that he had to go. He loves us so much that he just walked up there, said “I AM” and accepted his faith.

But you know what else? God didn’t make him hang there for days and suffer. On Palm Sunday, in Marks Passion, it is written:

…Joseph of Arimathea,a distinguished member of the council, who was himself awaiting the kingdom of God, came and courageously went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus.

Pilate was amazed that he was already dead.

It was uncommon for someone to die so quickly. They were just hanging there on a cross. Not shot or generally badly wounded. Just hung there to be picked apart by animals and die a painful death.

So what? God won’t make us suffer either. If we turn to him with our troubles, if we give them

to him to take care of, he will take care of us.

Don’t give up hope. Please.

Xo

c

When You’re Unhealthy with Food

Binge eating disorder is a real thing. A real, nasty, shitty thing.

Sometimes it comes out of no-where. Just minding my own business sitting on the couch with the kids. Other times it hits me at night when I’m lying in bed reading. Or maybe I’m just chilling alone, not knowing how to be alone. Other times, it’s more “understandable”. Like after a night of drinking and suddenly I’m home alone. Or a shitty day at work. The only commonalities are that it starts from an emotionally draining event, it’s always only at night when I’m alone. And it’s usually upwards of 6-800 calories worth of food.

I feel like I know all of the triggers for myself. I know what to do to stop it. And it’s not a hard fast rule that any of the triggers will trigger an episode. But once it starts, it goes on for weeks until my emotional state heals. It feels like it’s taking so long this time. And I am really struggling with it.

My relationships, the ones that really mean the world to me, feel like they’re falling apart. DS is being a shitty 15-year-old; pushing all the limits, experimenting with things he shouldn’t be, being disrespectful, and driving me nuts. And on the weeks that it’s just he and I, I spend a lot of nights alone, which isn’t really good for me. Things with DSNBP are…stagnant. I sometimes feel like we’re just not moving in any positive direction, but stuck. Even back-pedaling sometimes.

Not that any or all of these things need to be rectified for me to get out of this. But my mindset certainly needs to change before I can heal. And I cannot seem to do that no matter what I do.

Do you have an eating disorder? How are you handling it?

xo
c

Whole 30: Crab Cakes

Oh baby, yeah baby.

It’s lent and I have had enough fish to choke a whale. As much as I love it, I’ve had salmon or tilapia the last 4 weeks, it was time for a change. So last Friday, I made these. And man were they goooooood.

I really do need to get better about taking pictures, but I assure you, the food is amazing. If it wasn’t, I’m not sure my dsnbp would still be around, what with all the kid drama and such. 😉 I kid, I kid. But really. These things are awesome.

I took a couple recipes that I had and melded them together to make these babies. They are everything a crab cake should be* without the crap you don’t want. Big win, if you ask me. *Mind you, I have a terrible shellfish allergy, so I used imitation crab, but I’m sure that you could use whatever you’d like.

Crab Cakes, Whole 30 & Paleo Style

2 cups imitation crab
2 cloves garlic, grated
3 eggs, whisked
1.5 tbsp Old Bay seasoning
1/4 cup almond flour
1 tsp mustard
1/4 c olive oil, for frying

Break down your crab meat in a bowl until you have small-ish pieces. Add the rest of the ingredients, form into 8 patties, and fry until golden on each side. Serve with homemade chipotle mayo.

Homemade Whole 30 & Paleo Chipotle Mayo 

1 egg, room temp
2 tsp lemon juice
salt
1 tbsp chipotle powder or 1 chipotle pepper in adobo
3/4 cup light olive oil

Place first 4 ingredients in your blender and blend together. Slowly add the olive oil until your mayo has formed.

That’s it! They’re amazing! Wonderful! Full of flavor!

xo
c

Song of the Week

Another great bass playa.

If you’re not familiar with Ryan Martinie, you should be. Not only does he have the most incredible bass face on the planet (aside from JFTP’s), but he is mesmerising to watch. His style is unique and takes things to a completely other level.

Soften the Glare is a marriage of funk, jazz, rock, and more. These 3 musicians really bring the best of themselves to the table. I would encourage you to listen further, you won’t be disappointed.

xo

c

Whole 30: Zuppa Toscana

In this house, we LOVE soup. Love, love, love it. And Zuppa is one of those go-to warmer-uppers on a chilly Wisconsin day. Good stuff.

There are lots of recipes out there that claim to be Whole 30 and Paleo but

A) I have yet to find a commercially processed Italian sausage that’s compliant

And

B) They’re awful high in calories.

Also, pure paleo doesn’t allow white potatoes. Just sayin’.

I know, I know. You’re not supposed to count calories or care much about them when you’re doing a Whole 30. But this isn’t my first rodeo, and I’m cooking for people who aren’t participating. I want it to be healthy for everyone regardless of their dietary choices. So here’s my version. Enjoy!

Whole 30 Zuppa Toscana

As you choose your ingredients, please read your labels! Nasty ingredients hide EVERYWHERE!

  • 2 tbsp ghee
  • 1lb ground pork
  • 2 tbsp Italian sausage
  • 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1/2 tsp salt to taste
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 4 ribs kale, leaves ripped into small pieces
  • 5 small red potatoes, halved and thinly sliced
  • 6 cups chicken stock, organic and/or dextrose free
  • 1/2 cup full fat coconut milk

In a large stock pot over medium heat melt the ghee and cook the pork until it’s no longer pink. Add the Italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, salt, garlic, kale and potatoes. Cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the stock and bring soup to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 20-30 minutes, until potatoes are tender.

Remove from heat, mix in coconut milk, and serve.

This recipe clocks in at around 250 calories per serving, depending on your stock and coconut milk choices, but definitely does not skimp on flavor.

If you try it, let me know how you like it!

Xo

c