As I honestly reflect on my issues with my relationship, I realize that I have a really tough time trusting people. And It really is the most important factor in any relationship. For some of us, though, it can be a really difficult emotion to cultivate. Be it past experiences, or because of your own personal demons, there are real reasons we don’t trust, but the bottom line is we’ve got to do something about it.

Some of the things we don’t trust may take a little more work and self-awareness to “fix” than others, but I believe it’s all doable.

What can you do when you don’t trust? Well let’s see…

  1. Reflect
    This is step one. Ask yourself, is this my problem or a problem with something he/she does or says, or doesn’t do?
  2. Communicate
    This seems like a no-brainer, but I don’t think nearly enough people do it. You have to be aware of the why, and have an idea of what you need from your s/o to get through it. It’s not fair to walk in and say “I don’t trust X about us.” and walk out.
  3. Forgive
    This one can be a toughy, especially since most people do not have a positive outlook on the people who have negatively changed their life. But you have to. You cannot move on while holding the strings of past emotional distress.
  4. Baby Steps
    It’s not going to happen overnight. But if you work at it and the person you are with is supportive you can get through it!

Have you dealt with trust issues? What did you do to get through it?



We. Are. Difficult.

Omg it’s true. Women do things in the most difficult manner possible. Oftentimes we flat out do things we shouldn’t even be doing. Just cuz.

Really ladies. I know this crushes the precious ego, but hear me out…

BFFD and I are sitting at the Pub talking about my Christmass tree cutting adventure. I was gushing about how much fun we had, and how it was sooooo awesome that I came upstairs from getting the ornaments and JFTP had the tree in the stand! Because my God I always struggle with that. Every stinkin’ Year. Why? Well, it’s almost like I am doing it backward…


And my power cord at work? I’d thread it up through the hole instead of dropping it down into it. Sweet baby Jesus. What. The. Fuck Carrie?!? You are crazy.

I’m sure there are other things that we do ass backward because, well, we are difficult. What silly things do you do?



Don’t Want Us Crazy?

There is nothing more irritating than a guy who tells a girl she’s crazy. Sure. There are crazy bitches out there. The ones who are just batshit nuts. The ones you see on Maury who vandalize cars and houses and cuss and break shit. But most of us? We are only “crazy” when provoked. And by “crazy” I mean we get pissed when boys act stupid.

Seriously! I only get pissy for a reason. Like when your behavior suddenly changes for no reason. Or you start going back on something you said you would do. So. You don’t want us “crazy? Try this…

  • Keep your word. Do what you said you’ll do.
  • Be consistent.
  • Make up your fucking mind
  • Do NOT blame us for the crazy



Being busy

I’ve been spending a lot of time being busy lately. Busy with work, busy with kids, busy keeping my house clean. And all this busyness though, I am forgetting to take time for the little things. Relaxing with a cup of tea. Meditating. Writing. This needs to change.

I’ve seen a lot of things and I have listened to a lot of podcasts about busyness being a choice. It is something that we do, and I think we do it to keep ourselves from the reality what our lives actually are. When I’m busy I don’t think about the bills, I don’t think about how I’m going to make ends meet. I don’t think about the stress of Christmas or how my relationship with my boyfriend is…or rather is not going. It’s kind a like a drug, to be honest. When you’re busy, you feel accomplished. When you make it to the store, to the gym, to the meeting. When You get your house clean, and start three loads of laundry in one day you feel like you’re doing something with your life. In reality all you’re doing is wasting time, no different than if you were sitting in the bar. So what are we do about it? How do we combat being busy all the time especially once what has gotten into this habit. I have a few ideas:

Make time for quiet. Just like you would put your workout on the calendar, your hair appointment, or your date night, schedule time for yourself as well. I’m not talking about gym time, I’m talking about quiet time.

Start saying no. I recently heard that if your gut instinct is not to answer an invite with “Hell Yes!” your default answer should be no. Sure, there will be obligatory activities that you don’t want to go to that you must, but in reality those should be few and far between.

Find an accountability partner. Tell your significant other or your best friend that you need to stop being busy. Then ask them to call you or text you in the evenings and ask “What you doing?”.

that’s how we quit avoiding life by being busy. Maybe it’s time I start.



Clean “Tater-tot” Casserole

My ds J has loved tater-tot casserole since he was a little buddy. I used to make it weekly. Then I went clean and I haven’t made it since.

Tonight in a fit of no dinner idea desperation I asked him what he wanted to eat. “Casserole” he said. “Casserole?” I responded. “Yeah. Tater-tot casserole.” Uhm. Shit. And then…challenge accepted.

Taking the mad cooking skills I have been accumulating since it was 6, and the MacGyver-like paleo cooking skills I have been honing over the last 3 years, I started thinkin clean. There wasn’t much I needed to update here. Just a replacement for the cream of mushroom soup. I don’t eat much red meat, so that had to go too. Easy peasy.

Cream Soup Base

  • 1 can full fat coconut milk
  • 1 tbsp garlic powder
  • .5 tsp salt

Place all ingredients in a sauce pan and simmer until reduced by half, whisking consistently.


  • 4 sliced thick cut bacon
  • 1 lb ground turkey, 93% lean
  • 1/2 of a yellow onion, diced
  • 1 8oz carton baby bella mushrooms
  • 2 med white potatoes, shredded
  • 1 tsp olive oil
  • Garlic powder, paprika, salt & pepper to taste

Okay. First things first. Pre-heat oven to 350.

Start the soup. While the milk is reducing, cook the bacon. Pour the grease and in the same pan, brown the turkey. When it’s about 1/2 done, add the onions and mushrooms, salt and pepper. Cook until the turkey is done, onions are translucent and mushrooms are tender, 8-10 minutes.

Transfer meat to a glass bowl and pour the sauce over. Crumble the bacon, mix well, and dump it all into an 8″ square baking dish. Top with shredded potatoes, sprinkle with garlic and paprika, and drizzle with oil. Pop it in the oven and go take a shower or something. You’ve got 20 minutes.

After your 20 minutes are up, set the oven to broil to crisp up the potatoes. This doesn’t take long so keep a good eye on it.

Eat it. Now.



So Here’s What I’m Going to Do

The last couple of weeks of been a little bit tough for me. All is still really great on the new relationship front, aside from the fact that he is still unsure about the kids while I fall more and more for him.

There are moments when I feel like these feelings are making me crazy.  I don’t even know what to do with them half the time. I find myself overthinking, and acting like a dip shit. The biggest cause of this is that I am very scared that he will eventually decide a family is not what he is looking for.

Before I go any further, I have to say that contrary to his desire to not have children/be a father figure, he does a great job at it. He talks to them in such a way that they listen, and they respect him for his straight forwardness, and because he is good to their mother. So in a nutshell, he may not be keen on it, but he is wonderful about it.

Me? I’m getting there? I hate not knowing.  I hate wondering. But I know that if I keep being a spaz it’s just going to push him away, and that will kill me. I have decided, then, that I need to find a non-invasive way to let him know how I feel. And on top of that, let him know what I need from him. Im mostly good, but when he gets into his own head he acts different towards me and then I automatically assume that the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket and he’s going to leave. Because that’s the way my brain works.

So yeah. Communication. That is what I need to do. Communicate. Communication is going to be the only way that we will get through this without me losing my mind and causing him to lose his, or at least his patience with me.

Have you ever dealt with uncomfortable feelings? What did you do? How did it turn out? Let me know!



Angsty Boys

What. The. Fuck.

Since when are boys more complicated than girls?? I mean seriously. Why the fuck are there dudes out there all confused and wushu-washy and in angst. All the fucking time???

So. My dsf from the bar is just this vibrating ball of drama. Like, oh my goodness drama with people and women and “friends”. I’m fairly certain that 80% is brought upon himself but damn. You’re almost 50.

HBG is angsty, too. Can never make up his mind, sweats the small stuff, ghosts out. And he’s in his late 40s too.

Then there’s JFTP. Every couple weeks he gets his manses and stresses out by grossly overthinking. Which I do get. I go there too sometimes. But still.

Y’all are grown men. Why?? How come you are so into drama? Make up your damn mind. Understand what you’re getting into, and either take it or leave it. Have a goal that is only about you, and go for it every day. And in the end, Fuck everybody else, do you man.



Because I Love You

There are many reasons why I will not let myself fall in love with you…

  • I don’t know what you want from me
  • You’re so young
  • And
  • You’re not sure what you want from me
  • There’s time
  • You’re a bass player 😜

Is that wrong? I don’t know. I would let myself fall utterly head-over-heels in love with you if I knew it wasn’t going to break my heart. But I don’t know that. I don’t know if you’ll tire of me. If you’re going to see some young hotty without kids and change your mind about us. If you’ll decide that the “step-dad” life isn’t for you. I mean, my boys aren’t easy.

But, JFTP, you’re amazing. You have given so much. Become so much to us. A friend. A teacher. A great place to fall. I hope that I can someday let go and love you. Because I do.