Song of the Week

Isn’t it weird how someone you meet can totally change the way you look at things?

Before I met my DSNBP I didn’t pay any attention to the bass line. Of course, you hear it, but you don’t really notice it, let alone realize if it was impressive, if you know what I’m saying.

I was a self-proclaimed hater of the Red Hot Chili Peppers for YEARS. Lots of years, to be honest. Then I watched him play. It didn’t matter what he played, this was my love, standing in front of me, making music. It made me smile. It always makes me smile.

Anywho, here’s some RHCP for your listening pleasure 🙂



Taking Yourself Back

I have spent a lot of time hating myself for binging. So I decided to start researching what I could do. Calling my EAP counselors, listening to Podcasts/Health Coaches, and over analyzing my situation. I discovered a few things.

  1. I am in control of the binge
  2. I need to get rid of hang-ups
  3. Have self-regard
  4. Recognize that the binge may be the most positive negative you could do

I want to break these down for you..

Being in control of the binge. It’s not about will-power. At least not for me. Will-power fails. It’s a thought process. If I can breathe through the urge to binge, realize that I am not going to die if I don’t eat all the peanut butter in the house, and walk away, that urge will go away. The more I can do this, the easier it will get. Another aspect of being in control of the urge is to not restrict my diet. If I want the damn cupcake I’m going to eat it. If I don’t, I won’t. Period. Not because I can’t, but because I will choose to/not to.

Get rid of hang-ups. I am SO hung up on the number on the scale. True fugging story. And as a lifter with a paleo lifestyle, it’s the last thing I need to think about. But beyond the silliness of being hung-up on something that defines only our vanity, obsessing about it can add fuel to the fire that drives the urges. When I am obsessed, I restrict. When I restrict, my body freaks out. When it freaks out, I eat. Simple as that. So I think it may be time to quit logging my meals and weighing myself 2-3 times a week and just start enjoying life.

Have self-regard. Piggy-backing on the last paragraph, you have to be okay with yourself where you are. There was a great quote from one of the podcasts, I’ll be damned if I can remember which one 😦 but it was great:

I am a lover of what is because it hurts to argue with reality.

Not to say that you need to love everything about yourself, but damn. You are you, whatever that is at this moment, and You are worthy of love. From yourself most of all. So go with it. Even if that just means not shaming and belittling yourself for your habits.

The most positive negative. It’s most common that you’re binging to soothe negative emotions, to cope with stress, or to get through something tough. Think of what else you could be doing. Binge drinking. Cutting. Abusing pills or other narcotics. Attempting suicide. But you’re just eating. Be proud of yourself for that. And hand in there.



The Faith Angle

This may not be your truth. And that’s okay. But for those of you who read and believe, this may be the single most powerful revelation I’ve had during this uphill battle with my eating disorder: God is bigger than my problems. He does indeed bring hope to the hopeless and peace to the despairing. He really is there, listening and working on and for us.

How do I know?

Last night was Good Friday. If you’ve never been to a Good Friday service, it’s very moving. The church is simply lit. Bare. Solemn. Very little music, if any at all. The Passion is read. The prayers are cantered. And the priest hauls in a huge cross on his shoulder. You remove your shoes and pray at its base. The adoration.

All the while, you realize/remember that Jesus died for you. He gave his life so that I could live. He didn’t complain about it or whine that he had to go. He loves us so much that he just walked up there, said “I AM” and accepted his faith.

But you know what else? God didn’t make him hang there for days and suffer. On Palm Sunday, in Marks Passion, it is written:

…Joseph of Arimathea,a distinguished member of the council, who was himself awaiting the kingdom of God, came and courageously went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus.

Pilate was amazed that he was already dead.

It was uncommon for someone to die so quickly. They were just hanging there on a cross. Not shot or generally badly wounded. Just hung there to be picked apart by animals and die a painful death.

So what? God won’t make us suffer either. If we turn to him with our troubles, if we give them

to him to take care of, he will take care of us.

Don’t give up hope. Please.



When You’re Unhealthy with Food

Binge eating disorder is a real thing. A real, nasty, shitty thing.

Sometimes it comes out of no-where. Just minding my own business sitting on the couch with the kids. Other times it hits me at night when I’m lying in bed reading. Or maybe I’m just chilling alone, not knowing how to be alone. Other times, it’s more “understandable”. Like after a night of drinking and suddenly I’m home alone. Or a shitty day at work. The only commonalities are that it starts from an emotionally draining event, it’s always only at night when I’m alone. And it’s usually upwards of 6-800 calories worth of food.

I feel like I know all of the triggers for myself. I know what to do to stop it. And it’s not a hard fast rule that any of the triggers will trigger an episode. But once it starts, it goes on for weeks until my emotional state heals. It feels like it’s taking so long this time. And I am really struggling with it.

My relationships, the ones that really mean the world to me, feel like they’re falling apart. DS is being a shitty 15-year-old; pushing all the limits, experimenting with things he shouldn’t be, being disrespectful, and driving me nuts. And on the weeks that it’s just he and I, I spend a lot of nights alone, which isn’t really good for me. Things with DSNBP are…stagnant. I sometimes feel like we’re just not moving in any positive direction, but stuck. Even back-pedaling sometimes.

Not that any or all of these things need to be rectified for me to get out of this. But my mindset certainly needs to change before I can heal. And I cannot seem to do that no matter what I do.

Do you have an eating disorder? How are you handling it?


Whole 30: Crab Cakes

Oh baby, yeah baby.

It’s lent and I have had enough fish to choke a whale. As much as I love it, I’ve had salmon or tilapia the last 4 weeks, it was time for a change. So last Friday, I made these. And man were they goooooood.

I really do need to get better about taking pictures, but I assure you, the food is amazing. If it wasn’t, I’m not sure my dsnbp would still be around, what with all the kid drama and such. 😉 I kid, I kid. But really. These things are awesome.

I took a couple recipes that I had and melded them together to make these babies. They are everything a crab cake should be* without the crap you don’t want. Big win, if you ask me. *Mind you, I have a terrible shellfish allergy, so I used imitation crab, but I’m sure that you could use whatever you’d like.

Crab Cakes, Whole 30 & Paleo Style

2 cups imitation crab
2 cloves garlic, grated
3 eggs, whisked
1.5 tbsp Old Bay seasoning
1/4 cup almond flour
1 tsp mustard
1/4 c olive oil, for frying

Break down your crab meat in a bowl until you have small-ish pieces. Add the rest of the ingredients, form into 8 patties, and fry until golden on each side. Serve with homemade chipotle mayo.

Homemade Whole 30 & Paleo Chipotle Mayo 

1 egg, room temp
2 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp chipotle powder or 1 chipotle pepper in adobo
3/4 cup light olive oil

Place first 4 ingredients in your blender and blend together. Slowly add the olive oil until your mayo has formed.

That’s it! They’re amazing! Wonderful! Full of flavor!


Song of the Week

Another great bass playa.

If you’re not familiar with Ryan Martinie, you should be. Not only does he have the most incredible bass face on the planet (aside from JFTP’s), but he is mesmerising to watch. His style is unique and takes things to a completely other level.

Soften the Glare is a marriage of funk, jazz, rock, and more. These 3 musicians really bring the best of themselves to the table. I would encourage you to listen further, you won’t be disappointed.



Whole 30: Zuppa Toscana

In this house, we LOVE soup. Love, love, love it. And Zuppa is one of those go-to warmer-uppers on a chilly Wisconsin day. Good stuff.

There are lots of recipes out there that claim to be Whole 30 and Paleo but

A) I have yet to find a commercially processed Italian sausage that’s compliant


B) They’re awful high in calories.

Also, pure paleo doesn’t allow white potatoes. Just sayin’.

I know, I know. You’re not supposed to count calories or care much about them when you’re doing a Whole 30. But this isn’t my first rodeo, and I’m cooking for people who aren’t participating. I want it to be healthy for everyone regardless of their dietary choices. So here’s my version. Enjoy!

Whole 30 Zuppa Toscana

As you choose your ingredients, please read your labels! Nasty ingredients hide EVERYWHERE!

  • 2 tbsp ghee
  • 1lb ground pork
  • 2 tbsp Italian sausage
  • 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1/2 tsp salt to taste
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 4 ribs kale, leaves ripped into small pieces
  • 5 small red potatoes, halved and thinly sliced
  • 6 cups chicken stock, organic and/or dextrose free
  • 1/2 cup full fat coconut milk

In a large stock pot over medium heat melt the ghee and cook the pork until it’s no longer pink. Add the Italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, salt, garlic, kale and potatoes. Cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the stock and bring soup to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 20-30 minutes, until potatoes are tender.

Remove from heat, mix in coconut milk, and serve.

This recipe clocks in at around 250 calories per serving, depending on your stock and coconut milk choices, but definitely does not skimp on flavor.

If you try it, let me know how you like it!



Teenage Defiance

Man. Do you ever have those moments when you wonder if your kid is going to make it to their next birthday?? You know, the whole “Sometimes I fear for my child’s safety. Specifically the one behind me rolling his eyes.”

Teenage defiance is very real. And, maybe it’s selective memory though my mother agrees, it is worse than it’s ever been.

There is an element of entitlement that has these kids thinking they shouldn’t have to follow rules. Or do chores. Or participate in anything that they don’t pick specifically for themselves.

Then you have the age old snotty, rude, snarky mouth and eye rolls that also come with these rough teenage years.

And if you’re a single parent, God blessed, you’re in for quite the ride. But there are things you can do! Some of these you’re going to look at and say “WTF, c? You’re joking, right?”. Nope. Here I am trying to survive teenager #2 (at home) and I can tell you that the opposite of all these things I’m going to tell you does NOT work. When I switched gears, so did the attitudes…at least to a manageable level.

So here goes…

Keep Calm– I know this seems like a no-brainer, but I think we all struggle with it. They will try to push your buttons. And just constantly push your limits. By incident #3 our instinct is to just snap. But don’t.

Keep Your Voice Down – Don’t raise your voice, raise your argument. Another element of keeping calm. If anything, remind yourself that they almost instantly tune you out when you yell.

Shorten the Punishment – I was always good for taking something away for a week. Sometimes more. Resist that urge. It just makes them realize they can live with/without whatever punishment has been doled out. Keep it to 48-72 hours.

Be Matter-of-Fact – Don’t let ‘em suck you in to a discussion. When they get you talking they can get you frustrated. “You were 2 hours late, you can’t go anywhere for the next 2 days.” Leave it at that.

Don’t Argue Late or Early – One is never emotionally stable at midnight, or 5am. Let it lie until you’ve slept/had coffee. Approach all conflict when you’re refreshed.

These things have helped me curb some of the teenage BS in my house. I don’t think it will ever go away completely, it wouldn’t be natural. But at least I’m regaining some of my sanity 🙂

I’d love to hear how you handle it! Let us know in the comments.