Song of the Week

It’s not going to be pretty, because, well, life isn’t really too pretty right now.

These are written for feelings anyways, though, so fuck pretty. It’s real.




Sometimes life just sucks. It insists upon beating you up and taking your hope and will. This may happen because of uncontrollable circumstances, bad decisions, or a combination of the two. Whatever the reason, in these moments there are only 2 options:

  1. Blame everyone and stay stuck
  2. Grow through what you go through

#1, that’s the easy way out. It doesn’t hurt (in the moment). It’s not uncomfortable and doesn’t take any kind of thought or responsibility. You can just continue on.

#2, though, that’s the tough one. You’ve heard of growing pains, yeah? These suckers can be physical or mental. And either way, it sucks. Change and growth isn’t an easy process, whether you’re happy to do it or you’re doing it because you know you need to.

So I don’t think that #1 needs a how to. It’s self-explanatory, and if you’re going that route I’m not sure why you’re reading this anyway. Number 2, though, there’s a lot to be said on that one…

Every experience, good or bad, has something to teach us. Learning=Growth. Every. Fucking. Time. But just like academic learning or learning a new skill, the learning that = personal growth takes practice & repetition, and perseverance.

I’m sure you’re asking how do you apply these things to personal/emotional growth. That’s what I’m here for 🙂

Practice & Repetition:
You need to do the same thing over and again to get your new frame of mind to stick. It may be as simple as looking yourself in the mirror every day and giving yourself a pep talk “I will be okay alone” or “This does not define me” or something like that, fitting of your situation. Whatever it is, don’t lose it. Don’t forget about it. Do it Every. Single. Day.

You take your time to be sad or sorry or broken. You deserve it. When my DSNBP left I walked away. No mulling it over, no plan. Packed a bag and just left for 48 hours. And I didn’t feel bad about it at all. The key to it was coming home. I had to remember: “Carrie, you will be okay. You can make it through. You’ve got a 100% track record of surviving so far. Don’t give up and don’t quit.” That’s what this bullet point means: don’t wallow too long in your misery. Be miserable and move forward. You can still be miserable while moving, but at least you’re not stuck in your pity pot.

Make sense? I hope so. Let me know what you think.


Song of the Week

I became  Mémé 2 weeks ago.

I was on the fence about it all until I met her. And my hear was stolen. Just like that.
The better part of it is that DSNBP was REALLY on the fence. A 32-year-old step grandpa? Lord only knows how that realization was. But alas. He is completely taken with her, too.

It hasn’t been easy for my girl, though. And that makes it hard for me. Her situation isn’t ideal and her faith is not solid. I pray daily, over and over, that she will find her faith and her assurance. And that she can just exhale.

If you’re struggling, I hope you can just breath it in and exhale, too. ❤


Song of the Week

Last night was stormy and crummy. Normally we would go to musical bingo at the local gastropub after supper, but we weren’t feeling it. At all. It was a sweatpants and drink-at-home kind of night.  So DSNBP made (too many) Stormy Nights and watched some stand-up comedy then Long Strange Trip on Prime.

I have been a Dead Head since I first heard them at 14. I’ve always loved the jam. The technicality of the music. The melding of personalities, styles, and instruments to create a sound like no other.

Here’s my first love from them. Enjoy.


Re-discover Yourself​

And so. In the song of the week post, I had an epiphany…

Things are weird. I know, I know. There’s always something in my life that’s weird. And it takes me away from what I love.

Truth be told, that may be how the weirdness starts… Hm. Maybe I’m on to something… I smell a new post coming!


DSNBP and I have had our share of struggles over the last couple months. Our MO? It seems like we have it all under control and then he goes dumb (doesn’t communicate) and I lose my shit. No explanation needed.

But maybe it goes deeper…

Have you noticed that sometimes you have a tendency to lose yourself when you’re in a relationship? LIke, you stop doing the things you enjoyed before so you can spend more time with the person you’re with? I suppose that’s probably normal, but for someone like me, these things I stop doing are the things that really help me to be the best-version-of-myself. And that’s the girl he started dating.

Since early spring, I have stopped going to bible study, I lost my morning prayer and yoga habit. I hadn’t been keeping a regular worship schedule, either.
Plus we stopped playing pickleball (albeit that’s a seasonal thing) and hardly get a chance to lift together. That is a lot of the healthy habits we really enjoy that went out the window. And I can’t even speak to the personal wellness things that he hasn’t been doing. I really feel like that’s not a good thing.

I’m now on a mission. I’m bound and determined to find balance. Rediscover the best version of c. But How?

  • Communicate – Tell the DSNBP that if he wants the girl he fell in like with back, we need to adjust some things.
  • Prioritize – I could spend all my free time with my man, I do so enjoy his company. But I need to say “Nope. I can’t hang out, it’s bible study night” or better yet, invite him along.
  • Form Habits – One thing at a time, but do it. I have started with the morning routine and after one week of getting up, praying, then yoga before I even touch my phone I feel way more relaxed and positive.
  • Encourage Him – Specifically to do his own thing. And seeing that he has recently joined a performing band, I think some of it will fall into place on its own. Hopefully not too little too late.

So that’s where I’m going with it. I don’t know if that’s what we need, but even if it doesn’t save us, I will be at peace with myself.



Welcome​ Back, Song of the Week

I know. I’ve been on hiatus. And I’m sorry.

I miss you guys.

If you haven’t seen my last 2 posts, things are weird. I know, I know. There’s always something in my life that’s weird. And it takes me away from what I love.

Truth be told, that may be how the weirdness starts… Hm. Maybe I’m on to something… I smell a new post coming!

Anywho, this here is for my dsnbp (DearSweetNerdyBassPlayer).


Just Keep Swimming

Figuring things out.

That’s been my MO forever and a day. Just figure the shit out and move forward in life. Because, damn. Hemming and hawing will not solve the problem. Being indecisive will not solve the problem.

But being the one to figure it all out can lead to overthinking and self-destruction.

I think Kenn hit the nail right on the head. There are only two questions. Ask them and let it go and just do what you’d do if life was perfect:

  1. Would you miss it if it was gone?
  2. Do you want it to work?

I put emphasis on the want because it’s a super important thing. Do. You. Want. This. ?You’re not asking if it can work or if it’s going to work. It’s not begging a discussion of “yeah-buts” i.e. “Yeah-but it’s going to be hard” or “Yeah-but what about your dad” or “Yeah-but I’m not sure how to respond to XYZ”. You’re simply answering whether or not the relationship is something you want.

If the answer to both of these questions is a yes, stay and work on it. If either one is a no, you’re fooling yourself with the yes answer and it’s time to move on.


Well, mostly.

The hardest part (for me) is to just keep swimming when you’ve gotten the yes.

Image property of Wiffle Gif

Not to keep trying to analyze, just move forward. Don’ force weird or hard conversations. Don’t obsess over what’s going on. Just be happy you have what you have. Love them like you always have. Sure, you identified things during the “I don’t know if this is going to work out” conversation that you need to adjust, so adjust them together and GET ON WITH IT.

So, yeah. Love each other. Be kind and be honest, talk and play together. Don’t obsess, don’t overthink.

And remember. It will be whatever God set it up to be.



Song of the Week


Andrew W.K. Hotttttt. Thank you, DSNBP, for the introduction. I am loving it ❤

If you’re not familiar with this guy, you should be. Andrew is not only a fun, heavy, sometimes raunchy rocker, but a motivational speaker. And in his new album, You’re Not Alone, he really reaches all of the best of himself. It’s an amazing listen that sometimes sounds like David Bowie, and Meatloaf, and The Ramones, with a TED talk added for punch.

This one hits home for me. I hope you enjoy the listen.



Song of the Week

I feel like it’s been a while.

Sorry about that. Inspiration hasn’t struck me lately.

DSNBP and I were discussing this the other day. We listen to a lot of music. We share a lot of music with each other (he shares more with me if I’m being honest). But nothing has really smacked me in the ear or the heart lately. I just don’t know.

So I decided to look deeper…Life has been beating on me a quite a bit lately. Rough patches with the kids, the not-so-welcome news (that’s coming. I just can’t bring myself to say it out loud yet), slammed at work, and on it goes.

I was really struggling with everything. I started binge eating some, I was drinking a little more than I should. I wasn’t happy with even the things that make me happy. And then I remembered where to go. Not to the kitchen to eat. Not to the bar to drink. Not even to my healthy outlet, the gym. But take it to the cross. Remember who I belong to and that he’s got me.

To me, that’s church. It’s my CCM playlist. It’s bible study. And it is good.

Here’s one of my favorite reminders. Enjoy ❤



That Awkward Stage

The weight loss-fitness-clean-eating-release-your-inner-badass journey is full of strange things, let me tell you what.

For instance, who’d have thought that one could eat fresh, clean ingredient pizza but not popcorn? Or drink beer but not milk? The body is a weird machine, for sure.

Lately, this weird amazing machine has decided to retain all kinds of water in protest of the uptick in weight I’m lifting. So not only am I bulking but I’m looking pudgy as well. And that just about pisses me off. But I know it’s just another one of those stupid awkward stages. Every 3 or so months I have one. Get all bulky and my body looks weird before I lean out again. Just part of the process I suppose.

But what I wanted to tell y’all is that if you go through that, there is hope! Or at least some things you can do to not lose hope during your awkward stage.

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  • Drink lots of water
  • Eat lots of low carb veggies
  • Put down the salt shaker
  • Find a positive thought
  • Don’t stop lifting
  • Yoga
  • Walk it off
  • Keep on your meal plan
  • Be patient

Not hard-fast rules, and they don’t all work all the time. But hopefully, you’ll find something that will keep you sane through your awkward stage! This too shall pass and you’ll be lean as fuck in no time 🙂

Do you have suggestions? Please throw them in the comments.