It is almost Christmas! It’s time to rejoice in the newness of the season. You have the “official” opportunity to become the best version of yourself by adding to your habits or taking away bad one.
Today I am thankful for the reset. That time of year where we can reflect and restore, renew and decide where we need to go. It feels like the hustle and bustle of the Holidays really puts into perspective what is important in life and what doesn’t matter all that much. And for that I am grateful.
Have a wonderful week! Enjoy the holiday celebrations, and make time to set yourself up for amazing success in 2019 🙂
Sometimes it takes a “kind gesture” to realize that something is a-miss.
Last night DSNBP swing by to help with my couch. He brought me flowers. He said he knew I was struggling with life, that I liked flowers, and that they would make me smile. Then the SOB tells me not to read into it.
What the fuck does that even mean? The only thing that I was reading was that you care. I know you don’t want me anymore. Is it necessary for you to tell me that you don’t want me to think you do? Kind of a dick statement.
And for this situation I am grateful;
for the people who show us there’s got to be a better choice, even if that choice is just to love yourself. This guy knows I love him yet he insists on being a jack-ass. If he was just being charming I might still be thinking I want that relationship back.
I’ve written about this before. But it’s been a LONG time since I had a night like last night…
I was cooking for work. I was feeling lonely. I needed a hug. So I started looking for it at the bottom of a container of cashew butter. Nope. Maybe atop a (paleo) English muffin? Nope. When it wasn’t there I went to the mixed nuts. Then the carob chips. Nope and no. I worked my way through over a full days worth of calories, still not finding anything to satisfy me.
And this morning here I lay, still feeling sick. 🤢
I don’t let myself get ashamed, angry or frustrated with myself when this happens, it just makes it worse. I know emotion is the root of my binging. I just need to get a handle on those things.
I just have to remember this. It’s all in my head.
Thanks for listening. I’m going to recover and keep living.
I am looking REALLY hard for my sunshine this week. It’s been shit, and it’s only Wednesday morning. Gah. But you know what? Through it all, He loves me, even knowing all I have done. How amazing is that?!
Isn’t it funny how some weeks it’s harder to find gratitude than others? Just like it sometimes harder to get motivated, harder to write, harder to relax.
I’m having one of those weeks. I know, I know. It’s only Tuesday. Yesterday started out with a shit storm, and even when everything smoothed out it was kind of hard to return to my good old positive self. Dealing with assholes his tiring and I always have to remind myself that the only power I have is in the way that I respond.
Deep breaths. Wooooo-saaaaa.
Today I am thankful for my rest day. For yoga and meditation. For having the opportunity to clear my mind and practice with a group of like-minded people.
When we’re praying as a congregation, we ask for him to recognize “all the prayers kept in our hearts”.
Tonight (12/2) I tried so hard to ask for DSNBP to love me and be mine again. It wouldn’t come out. Like, literally I could not articulate the words. So instead I said “let thy will be done”.
And then, it happened. Because it ALWAYS HAPPENS like this. The choir started singing “Holiness is what I need … take my heart, form it. Take my mind, transform it, take my will and conform it to yours, oh Lord”.
Seriously? Dammit. I mean, okay. It is SO cool to know He is listening. To get IMMEDIATE feedback. But really, Lord? That is the answer you give me? Not to be cynical but it says to me “you’re going to get what I give you. And like it.” Or maybe You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit?
Being in control. Isn’t that what we’ve been looking for since we were kids? To be “in charge”. We want to be in charge of our lives. Of our money. Our kids and our jobs. We want control over our emotions and our relationships and just about every other thing in our lives. By the time we get old enough to be in charge we don’t want anyone telling us what to do.
Why? Hm. Maybe feeling like we’re not in control of any of these things makes us nervous. Like someone were inferior, or not capable. But what if we’re not? We are, after all, only human.
What if we’re supposed to listen and live what we hear? Give up what we think we know, what we believe we should have and do, and live a life following. Yep. That was just said.
Give up control. Let go and let God.
Do you trust him? Do you have faith that he will bring you through it to the most glorious end? If you can answer yes, then why not? Why not trust in his word and live out life by his lead?
Because it’s fucking hard, that’s why. But it’s worth it, I’m certain. I am making a promise as of today (11/25) to do my very best to live a God Centered Life. Every day.
I’ll dig deeper into what I think that means later. Right now, I’m letting you know. Do it with me. Let’s hold each other accountable. Be the best versions of ourselves.
Getting into the spirit of Christmas, I’m totally digging August Burns Reds Christmas album. SO gooood! If you love metal and hate Christmas or hate metal and love Christmas or enjoy them both, this is for you. So yeah. Basically all but the total haters can find something to love.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Did you eat great food? Did you see your family? Did you just sit and drink? Whatever you did, I hope it was terrific!
The DSNBP and I went on a pub crawl craft fair on Black Friday. Talk about a good time! Tons of local vendors with unique products all set up in various breweries, meaderies, and distilleries. Shop with a tasty beverage in hand? Yes please! On the way home we were playing all kinds of old rock. 50’s do-wop, 60’s psychedelic rock, 70’s singer-songwriter. It was fun. And I feel like we were able to say some things to eachother that we maybe couldn’t really say.
Today I am grateful for music. There’s something to be said for the connection that it brings. The emotion it can relay. How it communicates better than words.