“If you define the word crush, it’s a negative word”. Yes, Eleven. Yes it is.
Definition of crush
And love shouldn’t feel that way.
I once heard that love shouldn’t make you feel anxious or nervous. That it shouldn’t make your heart race or your palms sweat. That it shouldn’t crush.
I didn’t believe it. Because, you know, I was “in love” and feeling all of those things. All of the time. It was intense and nerve-wracking. But I assumed that was just how it was supposed to be.
Ha! Noperino. That’s just your instinct telling you to get out. I have found the beginning of love to be calm. Peaceful and happy and soul-satisfying. It brings out the very best version of yourself.
You may be wondering how I know this. A shot in the dark? Something like that.
JFTP. He’s still around. We’re still…us. It struck me a couple days ago that I do not feel awkward around him. I don’t feel like I have to wear something special (although sometimes I like to) or be something special, I can just be me. It’s a lot like wrapping up in your favorite sweats and chillin’ to your favorite book. With tea. And a cookie. It’s amazing. But it isn’t stressful or anxiety-inducing or intense (unless it’s by design).
I realized that this is something I could really get used to. That I would be very open to something deeper in the future. That I get a little cranky when he’s not around for more than a couple days. And that when he smiles at me I lose my damn mind. I think I’m falling in love with this boy. And it’s more than I could have ever asked for.