Don’t Get Crushed

“If you define the word crush, it’s a negative word”. Yes, Eleven. Yes it is.

Definition of crush

transitive verb
1a :to squeeze or force by pressure so as to alter or destroy structure  * crush grapes
b :to squeeze together into a mass * She crushed her clothes into a bag.

2:hug, embrace  * She crushed her child to her breast.

 

3:to reduce to particles by pounding or grinding  * crush rock
4a :to suppress or overwhelm as if by pressure or weight
b :to oppress or burden grievously  * crushed by debt
c :to subdue completely  *  The rebellion was crushed

And love shouldn’t feel that way.

I once heard that love shouldn’t make you feel anxious or nervous. That it shouldn’t make your heart race or your palms sweat. That it shouldn’t crush.

I didn’t believe it. Because, you know, I was “in love” and feeling all of those things. All of the time. It was intense and nerve-wracking. But I assumed that was just how it was supposed to be.

Ha! Noperino. That’s just your instinct telling you to get out. I have found the beginning of love to be calm. Peaceful and happy and soul-satisfying. It brings out the very best version of yourself.

You may be wondering how I know this. A shot in the dark? Something like that.

JFTP. He’s still around. We’re still…us. It struck me a couple days ago that I do not feel awkward around him. I don’t feel like I have to wear something special (although sometimes I like to) or be something special, I can just be me. It’s a lot like wrapping up in your favorite sweats and chillin’ to your favorite book. With tea. And a cookie. It’s amazing. But it isn’t stressful or anxiety-inducing or intense (unless it’s by design).

I realized that this is something I could really get used to. That I would be very open to something deeper in the future. That I get a little cranky when he’s not around for more than a couple days. And that when he smiles at me I lose my damn mind. I think I’m falling in love with this boy. And it’s more than I could have ever asked for.

xo

c

 

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Song of the Week

JFTP and I went to a great local show on Friday. Teenage girls doing pop-punk and classic rock. LOVED it! Had forgotten about these guys until they played this song. Here’s some 90s pop-punk goodness for ya ❤

xo
c

Don’t Be a Punk

Okay ladies. Let’s get to the bottom of this once and for all. Why do we do/say stupid shit just to see a reaction, be it positive (hopefully) or negative??

And then why, oh why?? do they insist upon dissecting your answer?

Ugh must be an emotion, I feel it in my soul.

I think for me at least, it’s a matter of a real fear. And I wanted to hear something reassuring. I digress…There’s no “us” in Carrie. It just hasn’t panned out that way. And then I think “Him. He is why it’s never worked before” and in the same thought “Really Carrie, give it time”.

But angst is not the card to play. Guys are not amused by it. Some (like mine) get downright irritated. Why? Because they want a confident woman. Someone who can hold her head high. Who believes and is good with herself. Who knows her own worth and can deal with what life throws at her. Not some dishrag that thinks they’re not good enough for anyone.

The moral of the story? When you’re feeling some kind of something, put on your big girl panties and talk about it. Boys may be dumb, but talking to them makes you look smarter and makes them actually smarter.

xo
c

 

It’s a State of Mind

You wouldn’t believe how many people come up to me and say things like “You’re so fit, I could never do it” and “You’re so healthy! I couldn’t ever give up _____(sugar/carbs/soda/etc)” or “I wish I had a body like that, but I can’t go to the gym that much”.

These things? They’re called excuses.

You Can Do Anything. You. Are. A. Badass.

I’m not here to say that you need to work out every day. Or completely remove sugar from your life. But I want you all to know that it is possible. And for heavens’ sake, I didn’t get this way overnight, nor by starting all at once!

If I were to give someone a plan to build a health-centric lifestyle it would probably look like this:

  1. Food First
    StopEatingCrapThis is so true. It really is 20% exercise and 75% diet... plus 5% attitude. 🙂
    You have to clean up what you put in your body. But again, You DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL AT ONCE! Start with something small…like stop buying ice cream/cookies/soda. This will at least force you to leave the house to get some. Add on from there.
  2. Start at Home
    Home workouts are great for busy parents and people who maybe don’t have the confidence to hit the gym. You can find videos on youtube, get DVD’s from Target, or find workout routine podcasts.
  3. Make it a Habit
    This is probably the hardest step. It takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit. That’s a long fucking time. 66 days of _______ before it just happens for you. This is the period in which the “obsessed” (as referred to by people who cannot commit…or whatever) are made or broken.
  4. Be Patient
    The results are not going to come in a day. You won’t see it in a week. It’s going to take a little while. But you will feel amazing while you wait! Roma wasn’t built in a day and neither was your health. But if you stick to your guns and prioritize you will come out on top!

That’s what I’ve got for you. I know that it’s not much, but I hope it’s enough to get you on the right track. Please, if you need ANYTHING! you know how to get ahold of me 🙂

xo
c

PSA For Mothers of Boys

LGC and I had the most amazing time last weekend! We went to the Wisconsin Maritime Museum and stayed overnight on the WWII sub USS Cobia.

Let me tell you what; such a cool experience! And one I probably never would have had if ABD was involved. And boy oh boy would I have missed out on a lot of cool shit…

So moms. I know that camping can seem undesirable and staying on a sub with 24 other people, 22 of those being men, is also a little intimidating. But DO NOT let that stop you. Shoot, don’t let an involved dad stop you. You can’t let them have all the fun! And you will be creating memories that will never be replaced.

That is all. Go forth and be awesome.

Xo
c

When There are Kids

You may be wondering why we’re back to this when you and I both know that we have discussed the whole dating with children thing before.

A couple reasons:

  1. It’s been a while
  2. The concepts evolve as the kids get older
  3. It’s been a while

Not only has it been a while since I have had to think about it, but it’s a little bit of a different situation. I have only dated guys who were really quick to accept my kids to be with me. It didn’t matter to them that I had kids, they wanted to be with me and were “totally fine” with it (lies. All lies). JFTP is much more honest about his feelings with the kids. And although I wish it was a (truthful) “I’m totally fine with them”, I am thankful that he can just tell me how he feels.

Having this, it has made me (us) approach this whole dating thing very differently. And I like it. It makes it feel like it’s going much slower, things are much more chill. So what’s different? Rules and outcomes.

He doesn’t stay…all night. He does snuggle up with me for a couple hours. And on occasion, he will spend the night snuggling on the couch or spare bedroom. But it is so not the time for my kids to wake up with JFTP in my bed. Maybe someday, but not today. We need to know where we’re going.

He only comes for dinner once a week. Sure, it would be easy, and fun for me to cook for him whenever, even daily. But, no. That’s family time, and he’s not there yet.

There is time for him to get used to my kids. And they are getting used to him. He gets to see what the fam looks like in different situations. The way that we get along, and how we interact with each other. And most importantly how I parent and treat my kids. It gives him a baseline without being pressured into picking it all up and running with it right away.

All that said, I know it’s hard for him. I believe that when he has to see J and I fight over that damn phone, or when the little twerp doesn’t come home, it kind of makes him crazy. I’d bet that sometimes the things I say about how LMC’s dad behaves gets under his skin. And the thought of having adult children probably makes him a little nauseous. But he’s sticking it out. Being quite the champ about it, too.

How do you approach the dating with kids scene? What rules do you have?

Xo
c

The Healthy Ice Cream Craze

This whole “good for you” ice cream business just sounds like a bad idea…

I wanted to believe it when it first came out. Halo Top. Simple Truth. Breyers. OMG 280 calories in a whole pint of Oatmeal Cookie?? Yes Please! It sounds too good to be true.

Meh. It’s debatable.

True, it is undeniably healthier than your run of the mill ice cream. And there really isn’t anything that’s super gross. It’s actually not the nutritional data and ingredient list that bothers me.

I initially heard about it on Facebook. There was a picture of  10 pints on the counter with the caption “OMG I can eat ice cream whenever I want”. OMG Really???

The US has an issue with food. Yeah. I said it. We as a whole have shoddy self-control, as a group tend to be lazy, and mostly want nothing more than to do/have/find what makes us feel good. And food fits the role of most heavily abused mood-altering substance.
I believe foods like this simply encourage the mindless eating of junk food under the guise of “health food”? Think about it…Pringles. Oreos. Cheetos. How hard is it to put them down? So what do we do? Buy them sparingly to avoid binging because we know they’re not good for us. Tell me then; what’s our stop-gap if we believe the dessert table is suddenly good for us?

Now, I think there is a difference between making these things at home and purchasing them in the store. Let me tell you why.

You have to work for it.You know what’s in it.
It’s not convenient.

Making your own food is so incredibly satisfying, and when you make, say, cocoa beet cookies, one is sufficient.

I don’t do all the weird low-cal sugar alcohol sweeteners, I am sweet enough (and they make my tummy crummy). If something needs to be sweet I will use honey or maple syrup or dates.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to make smoothies or coconut milk ice cream or paleo cookies even 2-3 times a week. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So I tend to savor and parse out servings rather than binging.

What do you think?

 

 

I’m Only Going to Ask You Once

I have always been the person that trusts in others’ intentions. That what they say is what they mean. And that what you see is what you get. Why? Becuase that is who I am and I (wrongly) expect everyone else to be that transparent. It has completely bitten me in the ass EVERY SINGLE TIME.

This time, it’s a little more cloudy. We haven’t talked about what this thang is that we are in. What the desired outcome is. Whether or not he is interested in it becoming more. Which just seems a little stupid to me because, really?? Do people go into anything hoping/planning that it’s going to be a short-term thing? I mean, like, do people say “Well, she’s cute and fun so I”m going to date her until something better comes along.” Hm. When I put it that way, I can see a number of people I know saying that. Nevermind. I digress.

So I ask these 3 questions. And I promise I will only ask these things one time.

  1. What do you want from this?
  2. Do you look for something else from someone else?
  3. Are we solid? Promise to tell me if we’re not?

That’s it. I hope that’s not too much, but I don’t want to wonder. I don’t doubt, but I worry. I worry that I’m not pretty enough or young enough or fun enough to hold your attention or your heart.

Thank you for your honesty. Love ya.

xo
c